Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A life long lived.

(I wrote this just days after my Grandma's passing, I just never got to posting it because I still had things to add.)
 Lou-Ella Brege
May 3, 1927 - July 23, 2011

So I've taken a break from writing on here but here I am, back at it again.  Maybe not for long but for now at least.
This post today is going to be dedicated to my grandma, the late Lou-Ella J. Brege. 

On Thursday, July 21, 2011, I went and visited my grandma not knowing that it was going to be my last time.  I had just got home from work and figured I'd go see her, even though every time was just as hard because she had Alzheimer's and out of the four grand-kids, I was the one that was hard for her to remember who I was.  But I still wanted to see her.  When I went to see her, she looked so fragile and tiny.  It made me sad to look at her, especially because she was sleeping and it felt like she wasn't even there.  I stayed for a little then I went home.  I told my mom about how it's so sad how much weight she has lost and just how sad she looks.  I even talked to my boyfriend about it and also to my cousin.  They both asked the same thing, "How much longer do you think she has?"  And really, I didn't know.  I couldn't really tell but I would have never guessed the next night was going to be the end.  Friday came and I went on as the day was just an ordinary day.  Went to work, came back that night to go to Zumba and went home.  I was feeling quite tired that night so I hit the sheets by 11ish and was out.  All the sudden around 2:30ish in the morning, my mom came in and said something.  I was in such a deep sleep that all I could remember her saying was something with "Grandma," and "passing," in the same sentence but it didn't come clear to me that I felt I was still dreaming and just ended up falling back asleep as if I never heard anything.  Then my brother Michael came in not long after, "Brogan! Did mom not tell you?! Grandma Lou passed away.." I woke up immediately that time and was in such shock.  He walked out and I stood there for a few seconds trying to register what was just said.  It didn't feel real then the tears just fell.  I went downstairs and looked out the front window and as soon as I saw the cop car and ambulance at my grandma's house, I lost it.  I was shaking and crying so hard, I couldn't think.  A piece of me just felt gone.  I texted Rick immediately and told him and he came over as soon as he could.  I went outside and kept watching the house trying to register that this was real.  My dad walked over and I just cried in his arms.  He kept telling me, "She lived a long life, she was feisty til' the end."  I went back in the house for a moment and when I was coming back out, my brother Michael nudge me back into the garage and told me, "You don't want to see this." But I did, they were taking her out of the house and putting her into the van.  I felt I needed to see that.  I waited a few minutes and then walked over there.  As soon as I saw my mom, I cried even harder.  It just didn't feel real to me.  It still doesn't right now.  When I went back home, I sat on the camper foot steps and jut looked up at the sky and instantly saw a bright shining star and to me, it felt like that was a way of Grandma saying she made there.  Though that night was very hard for me, I'm glad to know she is in a better place and is with my grandpa for the rest of eternity now.  I was supposed to be opening at work at 8 that morning.  It being 3ish in the morning by then, I called Logan but she was out of town, Becca as well. Thank God for Paige, she was able to open for me and I told her I would come in and release her for the last 2 hours since she was going to be leaving to Traverse City for a bachlorette party in which I was supposed to be attending.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to go that early, especially seeing I couldn't completely fall asleep until about 6:30 a.m.  Calling my brother Richard was hard, I waited a little when I was calmed down as much as I could.  I could tell he was in shock but didn't know how to react.  He and Katy made it home early in the morning.  We didn't call Andy until the morning because we didn't want to wake Padraig at all.  But as soon as Rick got to my house, I cried in his arms instantly.  He brought movies for us to watch so I could try and get my mind off of it but it didn't help as much.  We were laying there watching 'Definitely, Maybe,' I couldn't stop thinking that my grandma is really gone.  I was trying to hold it in but it was obvious I couldn't and Rick turned me around and I just cried and cried in his arms.  It just hurt in my heart so much to think about it.  Finally I decided I should go to bed and got a couple light hours in.  I remember in the morning my mother came downstairs and asked if I would like to be a pall bearer fro my grandma and without a doubt, I said yes.  When I came to Curves around 10, one of our regulars, Sue, asked me how 'last night' went and she was referring to Zumba and instantly all I could think about was my grandma and the tears came right out.  It was hard for me to say it but I did and she just hugged me.  She understood and it was comforting.  When Paige saw me, it was the same way.  When Sue and Barb got ready to leave, they both gave me hugs and I did whatever I could to not let too much out.  I just wanted to go home.  When I got home that day, I held all my might to hold strong as much as I could.  We just tried to rejoice the memories of grandma through all the pictures we were looking through.  I went to church that night with my parents and there were a few times I thought I was going to cry but like always, I held in as much as I could. When church was over, I decided I needed to eat some real food so I planned to cook dinner that night.  When I got to the store I ran into Ellen, her husband and kids, and Janet.  As soon as Ellen hugged me, it took me a few minutes to catch myself and stop crying.  I kept running into people in the store and trying to keep my cool was very hard.
The next day was hard, I knew from the beginning it would be.  It was the visitation and all I could think about was that I was going to be seeing grandma and people were going to be coming and I needed to do my best to keep strong all day for her.  Before that, my mother and I completed a nice picture board with a bunch of pictures of my grandma and her life.  It was nice to look back at her life from a glance.  But the visitation was getting closer.  The beginning was hard, but the end was worse.  When we got to the visitation, it was about 3 o'clock.  I couldn't get myself to walk into the room for a little bit.  Finally I stepped in and slowly walked in.  I took one look at grandma and put my hand on hers and my mom came by me and I just cried.  My brother Andy came and put his arm around me and I was letting it all out in his arms.  I could barely look at anyone.  To make me laugh, my mother told me a little story about my grandma always being stubborn and that when Gwen was setting her up in her casket, she tried to turn her head so it could face us a little but my grandma just wouldn't budge.  And when she was setting her hand down, her arm kept going back up.  It all just fitted with her and her stubbornness and it did give me a chuckle.  I took a walk out of the room and took a step outside for a few to have a breather.  After that, it was easier.  People came and went.  Sad to say, but the less who hugged me, the better it was.  Those who hugged me, it made it hard for me to hold it in.  Even some who talked about her made it hard for me, even the good memories.  Its just all a part of it.  Some people when they talked of her, it was comforting.  I found myself eating A LOT there, it was a way of escaping.  One asked how I'm doing and I said as long as I eat, I can do it.  Kind of a funny way to deal with it but it did help.  As the hours passed, it got to the end.  No one was in the room so I took it as a time for me to be with her by myself.  I walked up to her and held her hand, gave her a kiss, and just looked at her.  She looked so beautiful and peaceful.  I told her I loved her and I'm glad she's in a better place and I hope she's having a great time with grandpa.  I walked out for a few minutes and when I came back in, Richard was there.  I went up next to him and we both talked about how beautiful she looked, about how feisty she was and she lived a great 84 years.  Holding each other, we both cried.  It just didn't seem real.  We turned and saw something very rare.  My dad crying.  If anything could break my heart even more, it was seeing that.  Immediately we walked to him and held him.  Seeing the hurt in my dad's eyes was unbearable.  But I know deep in his heart, he's happy to see she's not suffering anymore.  Though my dad is all good now, I know this is going to be hard for him for a long time.  Every Wednesday, he would go over there to watch her while my Uncle Owen went to work.  The following Wednesday, he was supposed to be there to watch her while Owen and Fortune go to a Beach Boys concert.  But after that, my dad, my brothers and I all went outside and we all had a group hug you could say but to hold on another.  We all calmed down after that.  It was getting ready for time to go home.  From most of the crying I have done, I sure was tired and was ready for bed.  The rest of Sunday night is a bit of a blur.
Then Monday came.  The real big day.  My mom came in and woke up me a little after 8 so I could get my shower in before everyone else.  It was hard thinking about the day.  My brothers and I were going to be the pall bearers.  It was a busy morning that's for sure between everyone getting ready and just thinking about the day.  I rode with my brother Andy to the church.  As soon as I got in there, there were people saying there good-byes to her and coming to us and giving us hugs whatnot.  I knew I wasn't going to be holding it in there.  Then it came to the hardest part, the final good-bye before closing the casket.  Right then and there, I knew this would be my last time ever to see her for the rest of my life.  We each went up to her and gave her kisses and any last words.  That was soo hard for all of us.  I couldn't even look at anyone but her.  Watching them close the casket just gave so many unexplainable feelings.  Then the family all walked in and took there spots and my brothers and I all grabbed a spot on the casket and slowly pulled her in.  As we took our seats, I couldn't take it.  I calmed down as much as I could.  They played 4 songs but for some reason only 3 of them are coming to my head: Amazing Grace, On Eagle's Wings, and the hardest one for me to hear, How Great Thou Art.  I let go during that song.  When I was in piano lessons, I played that song for one of my recitals.  Every time I would play that, my grandma would stand behind me and start to sing "Oh Danny Boy." Why she would sing that song, I'll never know but that song to this day will always remind me of that memory.  It's a great memory, it was just hardest to think about yesterday.  Reverend Hill said some very nice words about Grandma.  At the end, when Amazing Grace was being played, I started to cry especially because I knew it was very close to be over and our time was going to be done with her physical but had to remind myself my time with her in my heart will never be done.  We walked back to the front and each grabbed our side and pulled her out and I grabbed my mom's hand on my way out.  We had to carry my grandma's casket down the steps and into the hearse.  My cousin Autumn was right there and she gave me a hug hug as I cried on her shoulder.  I knew as soon as we get to the cemetery, it was going to be the hardest.  I didn't want to see her going down into the ground.  Father said a prayer and we all had our final look before she went down.  I wasn't ready for that.  I wasn't ready for her to go at all.  But it was her time, God determined that.  And she's with grandpa now after about 29 years.  After leaving the burial, we went back to the church for the luncheon.  Like I said, when anyone hugs me, I pour out those tears.  And of course, my aunt Nancy gave me a hug and there was no stopping me.  She knew it was hard to see me hurt like that because I'm like a daughter to her.  And then Bean came and gave me a hug and seeing her cry made me cry even more but like she said, I was making everyone cry!  Not intentional of course.  After a few minutes of cool down, I was better.  Reverend Hill said a prayer and we were all ready to eat.  Having talked to quite a few people, it was comforting to hear all these nice words about grandma.  My brothers knew it was hard on me and it was nice to know they were there if I needed them just like I am for them.  For the most part, it was a bright shining day for the funeral and I know it's because my grandma was up there smiling down on us hoping we were doing the same.  Even though I know she knows it was hard for us to, we did through the time in happy thoughts of her.  It rained for a little bit and in no time, there was a beautiful double rainbow over the town.  Shows how beautiful life up there really is.
My grandma was a great woman.  For anyone that knew her, she was the "sweets" lady.  Of all my younger days, when us neighborhood kids would be out in my backyard playing baseball in the summertime, she would come over with her Schwann's popsicles and hand them out for all the kids to have.  Or in the mornings of the school year while some of us would be waiting in my driveway for the bus, she would bring a basket over filled with candy bars and have each one of us grab one for the bus and an extra for the bus driver.  She always thought of everyone.  I used to spend the night there when my parents would be gone for the night.  My cousin Liz and I always would go over there and sit in the "sun-room" in the back of the house and she would give us each a roll of Life Savers (though I never got to eat mine because Liz would steal them lol).  We would even watch movies together.  She was my "movie store" because I could always go there and go in the cabinet and pick out a movie to borrow.  I'm very thankful for all many memories I have with her and wouldn't trade them for anything.  I can't really say she was gone too soon because she did live 84 long years.  That's a lot.  God felt it was her time to go and we all understand that.  She wasn't really sick but sometimes you just see in someone's eyes it's getting close.  We all knew she was slowly going downhill.  It's a weird feeling to know that we each have seen her within the last few weeks like something in us told us it was going to be the last without really knowing it.  It still hasn't really hit me she's really gone.  Even though I can go over there and see she is not there, it still doesn't feel real.  I don't know when it'll really hit me.  Whether it be days to months to a year from now.  I've never experienced a close death like this.  I have my moments, I visit her grave when I'm home and just talk to her.  Makes it feel like she is still here in a way.  But I know I have many great people in my life that are here to support me and help me get through this.  I don't know what I would do without them.  It's getting better day by day but there are always those sad moments but I remember the happy memories of her and learn to smile through it all. :)

Rest In Peace Grandma <3

Carrie Underwood ft. Vince Gill - How Great Thou Art

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

 (At my brother Andy's Wedding; August 2008)

This woman right here, is everything to me.  Like almost everyone else, we all say 'our' mom is the best, and to each his own, their mom probably is the best to them because that is THEIR mom.  But of course, in my eyes, my mother beats all the other moms out there and always will.  She has been there for me through everything.  She's watched me cry, struggle and comforted me in those times.  She made every attempt to make it to all my sporting events throughout my life, was a great supporter for my brothers and I, encouraged us to do what we wanted to make us happy.  I have shared many laughs with my mom and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.  Unlike most, I consider myself a lucky one.  My mom was more than just a loving and caring person.  She was my couturier, throughout high school, she made my homecoming, prom, and pageant dresses, was and is still my hair stylist, if I didn't feel good, she was my doctor, or if we needed a sweet fix, she would make her yummy no-bakes.  

My mom is a sailor's wife, so she went through life raising four kids pretty much on her own while my father was out on the boats.  She did such a great job at it too.  Always being there for my brothers and I.  Not only was she just taking care of us, but she is always doing something for everyone else in the family.  Whether it's helping my uncle with his bills while he, as well as my dad, is on the boats too, organizing my grandparents (her parents) doctor appointments and sorting their medications for them, also watching out for my Grandma Brege, my dad's mom.  She even hosted just about every holiday for the family at our home for as long as I can remember.  That includes preparing the foods, etc.  But of course, those done with the help of her sisters as well.  Even if they were hosting, her hand is never nonexistent.  Mainly, whenever anyone needed a helping hand, she was always open to give one.  The best part about it, she never asked for anything in return.  She always gives and gives but never expects anything back.  Whenever someone needed ideas on how they should design their kitchen or if it came to picking out colors for their new bathroom, my mom was a go-to person for that.  Give her a cup of coffee and she'll sit you down and start drawing out a plan.  She loves doing hands-on projects.  Whenever I needed an idea for something for a class, we would go through whatever we had and make something out of the sources we have.  She may not be the world's smartest person but she tried her hardest to help us in every way possible and never gave up.  That's one thing I love most about her.

Without my mom, I don't know how I would have made it through this life.  I'm thankful everyday to be able to have a mom like I do.  My heart goes out dearly to those who never got the chances or those who did, but don't anymore because all I know is that, I could NOT ever imagine my life without her.  The love I have for my mother is a different kind of love.  It's indescribable but it's a special kind of love that only a mother and her child will ever experience and that lasts more than a lifetime.

Happy Mother's Day Yvonne Brege <3

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Day in History

Last night, Sunday, May 1st, 2011, marked a new day in history.  Osama Bin Ladan is officially pronounced dead.  Finally after 10 years, all those survivors of 9/11, families who have loved one fighting at war (and will still be for some time), can actually find peace within them.  This is a big day for America and I'm proud to be American.

Toby Keith couldn't have said it any better.

Special THANKS to all those fighting overseas for us and those who have put in their time to do so, without you guys, we wouldn't have the freedom we have today.  

God Bless<3

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Remember the days?

With my big brothers: Easter 2011
Michael, Me, Richard & Andy
Remember the days when the whole family was home all the time.  When your big brothers or sisters were still in high school and college wasn't even in part take yet?  The last time I completely had my whole family living at home was when I was 8.  I'm 19 now.  And I don't quite live at home anymore as well.  I miss those days more than ever.  I'm the baby of the family and there are 7 years between my brother, Michael, the younger brother of the three, and me and 11 years between the oldest brother, Andy and I.  It's funny to see how far apart I am from them all but yet I'm pretty close with each one of them.  But when I look back to when I was younger, I was closest with Andy, maybe because I was always with him, mainly because, if he got in trouble and he wanted to go hang with friends, he always had to bring me along.  Richard and Michael on the other hand, I exchanged nothing but screams with them.  I damaged my vocal cords due to them teasing me ALL the time.  But that was a phase that soon faded away and now all we exchange are careless, fun arguments or laughter.  And of course, I always get dirt when I'm dating someone, seeing that I'm the baby sister and the big brothers always need approval.  But usually I don't care what they think, especially because it's me that's dating the person, not them, but they usually say, family knows best.  Anyways, Easter weekend was a great time with the family.  Sitting around the kitchen, late at night with everyone, laughing about anything and everything, put me at such ease.  Listening to my brother Andy argue his point on whatever the subject may have been, having my mom come in to tell us to quiet down because were getting too loud, my brother Richard letting me try a sip of his drink when my mom wouldn't be watching, just overall having some good sibling bonding time.  This doesn't happen often and when it does, I'm thankful for every moment I get with them.  Even with the little time we all get together, I have my moments where I get annoyed of them but I try to overlook them and think about how this moment will be gone soon and it will be awhile before it comes back.  
But when it come to something I miss a lot, it's how I used to spend my birthdays.  Every year, my brothers would be around during my birthday and we would always, as a family with a few friends as well, go bowling and get pizza and cake, whatnot.  One year when my brother Andy couldn't make it home due to college, he called me and put me on speaker so his whole Frat house could sing "Happy Birthday" to me.  Good thing I wasn't physically there, else they would have seen a little red-faced, embarrassed girl.  But in reality, that meant a lot to me.  Especially when it's 20+ year old guys, in a Frat, singing happy birthday, to a little 10 year old girl.  Little things like that made my birthdays better.  It's been a few years since I spent my birthday with my whole family and to be honest, my last few birthdays haven't even been that great.  Sometimes they just feel like another day in the year with no meaning.  Maybe it's cause I'm getting older?  Whatever it is, I don't know.  Sometimes, I feel like it's a drag when my birthday comes around though I try my best to just be happy about it.
 Enough about that.  Anyways, these three boys mean so much to me, I don't know what I'd do without them.   Growing up just wouldn't have been the same without them in my life.  Though they may not seem to be the first for me to run to if I have a problem of any sort, I know I can always depend on them for anything if I really need it.  We may not be like other families that go out and do events together or know everything about each other but we have a special bond that's hard to describe but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  I love these boys with all my heart, and I know I rarely ever tell them that, but I do.

Travel Through Time with photos <3
 Andy & I (March, 1992)
 Richard & I (March, 1992)
 Michael & I (March, 1992)

 Richard's Wedding (June 30, 2007)
 Always known for the 'muscles" ;)

 Andy getting sworn in (date noted)
 Michael & Andy

 Andy's Wedding, a 'normal' picture with us all, laughing and not paying attention :) (August 16, 2008)

 Supporting me at the Miss Rogers City Pageant (July 30, 2009)

 My Graduation party (May 23, 2010)
 The usual :) 
Noticed from this picture and my pageant picture, we are all in the same order and I'm always in the same spot for every picture as well.

 Graduation Day (June 6, 2010) missing Andy.

 Hanging out, random summer day 2010
Effects :)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Spring is in the air.

Go outside today, take a breather, think about life's finest things and rejoice them.  We tend to forget all the little things that make life so beautiful and think too much of the big picture.  We worry too much about all the things that are going wrong and forget all the little things that are going right.  It's the small things that create the big picture and without them, no picture can be complete.  And on the most beautiful days, no matter how busy we are with our lives, we must take advantage of the fresh air and breath it in, whether it's for an hour or for even just a second.  You'll find yourself at ease for that moment.  It's like that moment when you've been holding something in for too long and it builds up all this stress inside you.  And simply taking a second for yourself and taking in a breath of fresh air releases that feeling of stress.  We can't shelter ourselves inside too long.  There comes a time our minds can't handle it anymore and we just need to let go.  Maybe not for long, but for a moment, just forget about everything.  Just think about nature's beautiful creations, smell the flowers, listen to the flow of the river, hear the birds chirping, let the breeze take control of your hair.  It is spring after all, take advantage of this brand new fresh air.

Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world.  ~Virgil A. Kraft

Where man sees but withered leaves,
God sees sweet flowers growing.
~Albert Laighton

Monday, April 4, 2011

A friend is one who walks in when others walk out -Walter Winchell

This post goes to my girls, Paige & Cheyenne. :) love you guys!
This picture is from this past weekend spend up at CMU with Cheyenne at her dorm. 

This past weekend, I've come to learn who my best friends are, these two girls right here, I can tell them everything and they welcome me with open ears to listen to everything just as I would do the same for them.  Today was one just one of those days and to know that they cared enough to ask me what was wrong, and listened to everything I had to say, whether it's something completely ridiculous, or if it was a serious matter, showed how much they care and I appreciate that more than anything.  Usually in a relationship, I say it's the littlest things that matter the most, I believe that applies with friends as well.  I wouldn't trade these girls for anyone else.  I can't wait for it to be summer when were all back together in the same town and not have to plan when we can drive somewhere just to see each other.  Cheyenne is getting married this summer and I'm so happy for her that she has found her "one."  I wish for nothing but the best for her and Jesse and the rest of their lives together.  I know God will be by their sides to help them get through any of life's obstacles that get thrown their way.  To be honest, I don't know how I'm going to be at the wedding, though I am the one taking the pictures, but emotional wise.  One of my best friends are getting married.  Not to mention, my cousin is going to be having a baby in June as well.  I'm so used to going to weddings for people in my family, or friends of our family, but this time, it's different, it's MY friend's, not a family's friend or someone that used to babysit me.  This is where life hits me and tells me that everyone is growing up and we aren't kids anymore.  I miss being a kid where everything was carefree and you never thought about things like this.  But of course, those are always just going to be memories just like everyday that passes by, you'll never be able to get them back but you can always look back at them.  Anyways, I just want to thank these girls for being so amazing and that I love them soo much!  I will always be here for them no matter what and will always have open ears to listen to anything and everything they have to say, no matter what the situation is or if there even is one.  Once again, thanks girls, I am blessed to have you in my life and even more blessed to call you my best friends. <3

I will though say there is two other girls I haven't mentioned, my cousin Liz and my other best friend Emily.  Others that I love dearly but there will be post in the future for them. :)

With Emily & Liz on the band bus heading to to Band Districts :)
Speak No Evil. Hear No Evil. See No Evil.

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself." 

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
- John Lennon  <3

"Though our communication wanes at times of absence, I'm aware of a strength that emanates in the background."
-Claudette Renner  

Friday, April 1, 2011

Remembering stories about how you met someone.

I recently came across a blog called "Little Things" and instantly fell in love! She posts all these little things that we fail to recognize and appreciate in life. As I was reading through all of them, I came to find many things in life that I never really thought to think about.

With that being said, I came across this one and immediately thought story time for my blog! :P
The story I am going to link with this Little Things is how my boyfriend and I met.  

Back in July of 2010, Thursday, July 8 to be exact, my cousin Liz, Ashley, Diana and I decided we wanted to go to the "club" in Indian River, called "Brown Trout" for "College Night."  Neither of us have ever been there except me, but when I went, it was a restaurant.  Little did I know that it turns into a club/bar at night.  Anyways, we go to Onaway beforehand to 'pre-game' and get ready.  About 10:30 p.m. rolls around and we head to the club.  *A little FYI, this is no bumpin' club like your average ones, just think of someone's hunting camp, add a DJ, a dance floor, outside deck, and a Bar, pretty much a woodsy setting.* We get there by 11 o'clock and there really isn't that many people.  We kind of felt stupid just being there thinking maybe this really isn't that cool.  But we go out and dance anyways.  As time started going, it's almost midnight and BAM! There's a bunch of people at the door.  To say the least, we learned that the time to come is around midnight because that's when every one arrives.  We felt a little better once more and more people were coming.  The only down side of this club, is the dance floor, it's so small! But other than that, I would say it's a perfect little club for a Northern Michigan setting.  So as were dancing, everyone's drinking, having themselves a good ol' time.  Seeing people we know, going outside on the deck to cool off, etc.  Not to mention, I've had a few drinks of strangers spill on me but in all honestly, that was the least of my worries.  Well I'd have to say it's around maybe 12:30-1 a.m. and I'm on the floor dancing with Liz and Ashley and I just happened to looked across the dance floor and make contact with this guy.  All the sudden, he points at me in that "come hither" motion.  Why, I'll never know to this day, would I come to someone that I don't even know especially someone that thinks they can point to me and make me come to them.  Oh the things in life we question.  Anyways, I responded and walked towards him.  I mean afterall, I guess we are in a club and you do tend to just dance with random people.  So of course, we do what most people would naturally do and we start dancing.  Within seconds of dancing, we were looking at eachother in the eye and he has the guts to say, "You want to kiss me." And I immediately respond with, "Haha what?! No I don't." "Yes, you do, you have that look in your eyes," he says.  And bam! Next thing you know, here we are, two COMPLETE strangers, making out on the dance floor.  Don't even know each others names yet.  My cousin Liz, looks over at us, astonished by all of this, especially coming from her point of view, she says the dancing was quite..different, as he's picking me up from the floor, and as she would like to say, 'humping,' so it looks like and whatnot.  Gosh that's soo embarrassing to think about.  Finally we introduce names and by that time, Liz walks over and asks who he is and he tells her that he is Rick.  Her immediate reaction was, "That's my dad's name. Awkward," and walks away.  I wanted to go on the porch and I asked Rick if he would come with me and he said, "Only if you give me your number."  Geez! I thought, clearly he's someone who just says what he needs to and to the point.  "Whatever," I said.  So we went out on the porch and exchanged numbers.  "I'm going to text you at 11 a.m. tomorrow," Rick said to me.  Of course, me thinking, "HA! Yeah right, you're drunk, you won't remember this."  But he was set on that he is going to text me.  "Whatever," I thought, he texts, he text, he doesn't then he doesn't.  Then the song, "My Chick Bad" comes on, I believe that's what it was, and he says he wants to go back in and I told him not yet.  Liz was agreeing with him but Cliff (Liz's boyfriend at the time, now husband) and I were not.  Rick has the gulf to say, "I'm going to find another girl to dance with then!" And I, to my defense, said, "No you're not!" Talk about getting defensive already! What the heck! Well then we all go back in and of course, proceed back to dancing.  Not to mention that Rick spilled his beer a couple times down my back.  Then all the sudden he said he'll be right back because he has to go dance with this other girl which I'm thinking "umm okay?"  Then shortly after he came back and at one point, he was inviting me to go to the car with him and I was telling him I can't leave my friends plus we JUST met.  It wasn't long before one of his friends came and said they were getting ready to leave.  He reminded me that he was going to text me at 11 a.m. and I just thought, "Alright, let's see if this happens."  As the club was dying down, around 2 a.m., we decided to head back to Onaway to Liz and Cliff's apartment.  We decided to do a little bit more post-gaming as I would call it.  I wasn't checking my phone often but when I did around 4ish, I had a missed text already from Rick saying, "Why hello Brogan, how are you?" I remember responding with something along the lines of, "I'm good, how about you?" He didn't respond but I went to bed shortly after.  The next morning, we all wake up and Ashley, Diana, and I have to get heading back to Rogers City because Ashley needs to work.  Took awhile since Cliff accidentally grabbed my keys along with his on his way to work.  After a trip to Brewbakers and getting my keys, we were on our way home.  I can't exactly remember what time that was at, I want to say 10 a.m. maybe?  Anyways, when 11 a.m. came around, sure enough, I got a text from Rick.  I was completely shocked to see that he remembered and I remember responding to him something like, "You remembered, I didn't think you would." And he said something along the lines of, "Yeah, how could I forget?"  Well from that moment on, we started texting and whatnot.  I found out he was from Cheyboygan which is about 40 minutes from Rogers City.  From our little bit of texting so far, we made plans to hang out for the first time, sober as he said, the following Monday.  We've known each other for about 3ish almost 4 days now.  We both had somewhat in our minds that this wasn't going to be anything more than maybe a fling.  I mean, I was planning to move to Grand Ledge mid-August for college so I didn't really have any plans of starting a relationship yet with anyone for the fact that I didn't think anyone would want to work a distance one that is.  I told him all this right away too just so he knew.  After the first time hanging out, it was clear that maybe sometime in the near future we could be something.  I remember that first night we actually hung out, where I would say that "first" kiss is more acceptable than the one we had on the dance floor within minutes of meeting.  I started to notice how much happier I was instantly becoming.  We started hanging out a lot more and by the time August 15th came around, we decided to make it official.  It wasn't long after that, I moved.  I have never worked a long-distance relationship so this was very new to me and also him.  But here we are, almost to 8 months now :) Thanks to technology, we are able to make this work.  It's not as easy though but it's worth it.  We see each other as often as we can, he comes down, or I go up.  I'm VERY thankful for Skype.  One of the best inventions ever.  Helps with the times where we can't see each other in person for long periods of times.

Anyways, I would have never thought in a millllllion years that I'd find someone who would later happen to be someone that means soo much to me, in a club.  All I can say is, I don't care how lame that club is, I'm soo glad I went that night. :)

Ashley, Diana, Liz, & I the night I met Rick. (I still wonder to this day, why, out of all the girls at the club, he pointed at me, I looked like CRAP! I guess I'll just blame in on the alcohol but at the same time, not worry about it cause it brought us to where we are today)

Ricky & I at Brown Trout for the first time 'together.'

Pretty much this post is dedicated to my loverly boyfriend, Richard William <3
and to Little Things for getting the idea about writing the story from of her posts :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Laughter clears the mind.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.  ~E.E. Cummings

Laughter is an instant vacation.  ~Milton Berle  

If only children could live there lives as carefree without troubles as they do now for the rest of their lives, this world could be a happier place.  Listening to my nephew Padraig laugh instantly puts me in a better mood every time.  Just knowing that he's laughing because he's happy makes me happy and makes me forget everything that is going on for the while.  It's sad to know that one day he'll be grown up and he'll learn about all the troubles in this world and all I hope for him is he will always be filled with smiles and laughter and know that he is blessed for the life he has and always think that things could be worse.  It's a sad world when we all sit here and complain because maybe we got a bad grade on a paper, or the waiter brought us the wrong food or because our significant other didn't call us when we wanted them too when there are people who wouldn't care if they got a bad grade, they would just be happy that someone was able criticize their paper and have a chance to get an education, period.  There are people who wouldn't care if the waiter brought the wrong food to them, just as long as their stomachs get filled.  Just because we didn't get a call or our significant other didn't do something that we wanted them too doesn't mean they don't care or they don't love you, there are people who would do anything for someone to show some love and affection to them.  We can't always get what we want but we need to learn to be blessed for what we have.  This can be much worse but I pray for those who have it worse and hope that someday, their hearts get filled.

This post goes to my nephew, Padraig Neil.
 Smile at someone today, you never know the battles their struggling with.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

to get anywhere, you must take the first step.

This year has been a big change for me, not just as in 2011 but since August 2010.  I come from a small town called Rogers City where I graduated with 63 classmates including myself and a high school population of 215 and moved down to Grand Ledge which is much bigger than where I'm from to attend Lansing Community College.  Never thought I'd be one to leave the town so soon.  Do I like my new life? Kind of.  Even though I have my brother for anything, it's not the same as having your friends right there to go to everyday.  Before I moved, I would be with friends everyday doing whatever was on our minds.  After I moved, I've become a hermit.  Not saying that I haven't gone out and hung out with friends, because I have, I just don't as much anymore unless I'm back home, 'Up North' as we call it, that's where I feel back at ease.  I have made friends down here but it's just not the same to me.  I will though say things I've learned since I've moved, how to work a distance relationship, people change and sometimes there's just nothing you can do about it, life goes on and it's not worth it to fret on past and life isn't going to be as easy as you think.  Coming here I had in my mind that I was going to take photography as my minor but I've come to learn that it's not quite how I had it planned.  I've changed my mind as to whereas I would like to transfer to, what my major is going to be, and pretty much what I want to do with my life.  I always think I got it figured out, but in reality, I don't think I do.  Everyday that passes by, I just think of it as one day closer to summer where I will be back home to my mom and dad, my boyfriend, and my best friends.  Even though it will only be a temporary stay, but 3 months is better than a 3 day weekend.  The only part I dread is the leaving.  Anytime I have to leave, it's never easy.  There's never enough time in a day which shortens the visits and makes them go by too fast.  But I try to think positive and think about, 'it could be worse.'  I'll be back and so will they.

That's enough about me.  When I write to this blog, each time, I'm going to post a picture or a quote of any sort of how I'm feeling that day or what it reminds me of, etc.  Enjoy :)

 This is my parents and I at my graduation.  A big day for me for one of my biggest achievements in life.
 Cheyenne (right) & Paige, two of my bestfriends that I miss dearly.
 Family: Pattie, Liz and I.  The best cousins/best friends/sisters by choice I could ask for. Always been there for me when I needed someone most. I love them :)
 My bestfriend, my kevin, my paul, the cheese to my mac, everything.  She went UP and I went DOWN.  If we couldn't get any farther apart with our college choices, we did.  Even with out distance, we still keep strong, we may not talk as much but everytime we do, it's like we never stopped.  I think that's what truly makes this friendship real.
Last, but not least.  The boy in my life who makes me happiest.  I may have days where it seems things are all over the place, but in the end, I know he's always going to be there.  I love you richard william. <3

These are just some of the few people that I'm very thankful to have in my life and wouldn't trade them for the world.